Shame

That’s often what happens on the journey of recovery. The tools, steps, and guidance can point us toward something profound, but sometimes, we mistake the finger for the moon. When I was in the 12 Steps, I was told over and over again that my longing — the ache I felt in my soul — was part of the problem. That it was something to “surrender,” something to “let go of.” But that ache wasn’t the problem. That longing wasn’t my “disease” as I was told by other lost people; it was my invitation. It was the call home. The longing I felt wasn’t for another achievement, relationship, or external solution as it felt to me. It wasn’t even about sobriety or abstinence. It was the longing to experience myself — beyond the steps, the stories, and the layers of conditioning. It was the pull toward my true essence, the place where peace isn’t earned, but realised. The purpose of the 12 Steps is to point you toward this place within yourself — a place of freedom, clarity, and peace. They’re a brilliant framework, but they were never meant to keep you stuck in endless repetition or quiet, secret suffering. The steps are there to free you, not to hold you captive. Over time, their purpose is to lead you beyond the external rituals and into the depths of yourself, where the real transformation happens. The discomfort I carried, the sense of something “grinding” on me, wasn’t something to fix. It was a signpost. An invitation. It was life tapping me on the shoulder, asking me to look deeper. If you’ve felt that ache — that longing — know this: It’s not a problem to be solved or a defect to be removed. It’s the most natural part of you, pulling you toward your true nature. It’s the moon shining in the night sky, waiting for you to look up. The tools and steps we use in recovery are incredibly valuable, but they are the finger pointing toward something far greater. Don’t stop at the finger. Look to the moon. And when something feels uncomfortable — like it’s grinding against you — instead of resisting it, let it guide you inward. It’s not there to punish you; it’s there to awaken you. The experience of being fully yourself — fully at home — is available to you. Not in the future. Not when you’ve earned it. Now. Always. Recovery doesn’t end with clean time. It begins with the realisation that you’re not broken, and nothing is missing. This is your invitation home. Will you take it? Previous: Secret Addictions in Recovery — A Call to Look Deeper