Shame

Desperate people will believe anything you tell them, that’s not recovery, that’s conditioning. It’s replacing one belief with another, or replacing one lie with another better lie. I remember it clearly… The first time I entered treatment, someone looked me in the eye and said ‘You have a disease. You can never drink or use again.’ ‘Take it one day at a time.’ I didn’t question it, I was desperate, vulnerable, I believed it blindly for over 22 years. This is what happens every day in addiction treatment. People walk in shattered, They’re told what’s wrong with them, what they’ll always be, and what they need to do to stay alive. And in their desperation, they take it all on – without question. But taking on a new belief doesn’t heal anything, It just replaces the old story with a new one. The pain remains, the nervous system still leads the way. And because the root hasn’t been touched, the behaviour simply shifts shape: They leave treatment with the “love of their life” they met two minutes ago They binge on food They secretly use They spiral into gambling, control, compulsive helping, or dissociation Meetings become a new form of addiction The weight gain, emotional chaos, or relationship disasters follow It’s whack-a-mole recovery One behaviour gets managed another one takes its place Because the cause hasn’t been met No somatic healing No relationship with self No inner safety And layered underneath all of it – is shame. The disease model doesn’t remove shame It institutionalises it It tells you ‘You’re powerless, you’re broken. you’ll always be this way’ It strips you of agency while pretending to give you identity. So people leave treatment silently carrying the belief that they’re flawed for life, and when they relapse or simply struggle they don’t come back. Because shame doesn’t invite healing, it hides it. What’s needed is a different paradigm. One that includes: Somatic healing Unlearning Inner safety And a remembering of who we are beneath the story You are not your thoughts You are not the character you’ve been calling ‘I’ You are not the broken, diseased idea you were handed in treatment You are infinitely creative, Infinitely resourceful, Infinitely capable. You’ve survived a war, and your well-being never left. Up to 60% relapse within a year Only 1 in 10 ever access treatment And among those who don’t, shame and stigma are still the biggest barriers So are we really helping – or just repeating what feels safe to us? That’s why I created a model of well-being. Not to give people more to manage – but to give them a real chance. Are you open to something new, are you willing to put aside the title expert? therapist? psychiatrist? to look to a human first approach? Carry on the conversation here

The Shame of Asking for Help: Breaking Through the Illusion of Self-Reliance. I’ve seen it firsthand, the shame of asking for help. I’ve watched someone who had been struggling in silence for years, utterly convinced that reaching out for support was something to be ashamed of. They carried that belief so deeply, they were almost willing to end their life rather than ask for help. They thought needing support meant they were broken, weak, or beyond saving. The shame was so strong it nearly silenced them forever. And then, something changed. With what little strength they had left, they reached out. They asked for help. And what happened next was incredible – love, support, and understanding poured in. People who had been waiting, willing to offer compassion, were there in ways they hadn’t expected. The very thing they thought would isolate them brought connection. The very thing they were ashamed of led to freedom. But before that moment, they were completely convinced that asking for help was something to hide – a flaw in their character, a failure. Why? Because we’re conditioned that way. From childhood, we’re taught by watching others, by hearing the comments, the criticism: “Don’t burden others with your problems,” “Keep it to yourself,” “Be strong,” “Handle it on your own.” It’s ingrained in us, and we carry that programming into adulthood, convinced that self-reliance is strength and that vulnerability is a weakness. But here’s the truth: that shame you feel about asking for help? It’s not real. It’s just a projection of your mind, part of the story your conditioned identity is telling you. It’s part of the protection method that’s been created through years of trying to survive a world that told you your pain wasn’t important. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It takes immense strength to look at your situation, acknowledge that you can’t do it alone, and reach out a hand. That is resilience. That is courage. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, because you’re fighting against a lifetime of conditioning telling you to handle it yourself. Self-reliance works when we’re solving problems at work, or fixing something small in our daily lives. But when it comes to deep healing – healing from trauma, addiction, mental health struggles – self-reliance doesn’t work. We can’t heal in isolation because we aren’t meant to. We are wired for connection. We need others to help us process our pain, to give us perspective, to hold space when it feels like the world is collapsing around us. If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of that shame – the idea that asking for help means you’ve failed – I want you to hear this: Asking for help is not weakness. It is power. It is strength. And it is one of the bravest things you can do. It’s time to rewrite the story and understand that reaching out doesn’t make you less – it makes you more. More human, more resilient, more connected. Are you willing to let go of that shame? To reach out? To trust that you’re worthy of the love and support that’s waiting for you? #EndTheStigma #YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthMatters p #AddictionRecovery #HealingTogether #BreakTheSilence #NoMoreShame