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Guidance, Recovery, Spirituality

The Recovery Lie – You’re not Powerless

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You’ve been told you’re powerless over addiction, That the best you can do is surrender, That as long as you don’t drink or use, you’ll be okay….. But… is that really true??? What if powerlessness is a belief system, not a fact? What if you were never powerless at all? To be clear – in the depths of addiction, surrender can save your life. It saved mine, it’s a valuable belief for a time, but continuing to believe you’re powerless – years later – is not healing. It’s limitation. That belief becomes a ceiling. You keep outsourcing your power to steps, meetings, sponsors, clean-time chips – instead of asking, what’s still unhealed in me? I am not making this wrong, are you ok with it though? Addiction was never the real problem, It was a solution to pain, trauma, disconnection, And what you were truly powerless over was your conditioning – your story – your nervous system’s reaction to life. But now? the story can be questioned… That identity of ‘I’m just an addict in recovery’ can be lovingly undone, You don’t need to keep surrendering your power…you need to reclaim it, on the journey home. Ask yourself: (if you are willing) What would happen if I stopped calling myself powerless? Who am I beyond the label of ‘addict’ or ‘recovery warrior’? What if freedom isn’t about control – but about seeing through the illusion? After 22 years of saying “I’m powerless,” I realised it wasn’t true. Now, 31 years into recovery – I am powerful I realised I was always powerful, And I am free. Are you ready to question the recovery story you were handed? Would you like to experience your own freedom? to be you? to speak your voice? to own who you are? to not lean on frameworks, common ideas? belief systems?

Guidance, Recovery, Shame, Spirituality

The Longing for Home – your next step = no step

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That’s often what happens on the journey of recovery. The tools, steps, and guidance can point us toward something profound, but sometimes, we mistake the finger for the moon. When I was in the 12 Steps, I was told over and over again that my longing — the ache I felt in my soul — was part of the problem. That it was something to “surrender,” something to “let go of.” But that ache wasn’t the problem. That longing wasn’t my “disease” as I was told by other lost people; it was my invitation. It was the call home. The longing I felt wasn’t for another achievement, relationship, or external solution as it felt to me. It wasn’t even about sobriety or abstinence. It was the longing to experience myself — beyond the steps, the stories, and the layers of conditioning. It was the pull toward my true essence, the place where peace isn’t earned, but realised. The purpose of the 12 Steps is to point you toward this place within yourself — a place of freedom, clarity, and peace. They’re a brilliant framework, but they were never meant to keep you stuck in endless repetition or quiet, secret suffering. The steps are there to free you, not to hold you captive. Over time, their purpose is to lead you beyond the external rituals and into the depths of yourself, where the real transformation happens. The discomfort I carried, the sense of something “grinding” on me, wasn’t something to fix. It was a signpost. An invitation. It was life tapping me on the shoulder, asking me to look deeper. If you’ve felt that ache — that longing — know this: It’s not a problem to be solved or a defect to be removed. It’s the most natural part of you, pulling you toward your true nature. It’s the moon shining in the night sky, waiting for you to look up. The tools and steps we use in recovery are incredibly valuable, but they are the finger pointing toward something far greater. Don’t stop at the finger. Look to the moon. And when something feels uncomfortable — like it’s grinding against you — instead of resisting it, let it guide you inward. It’s not there to punish you; it’s there to awaken you. The experience of being fully yourself — fully at home — is available to you. Not in the future. Not when you’ve earned it. Now. Always. Recovery doesn’t end with clean time. It begins with the realisation that you’re not broken, and nothing is missing. This is your invitation home. Will you take it? Previous: Secret Addictions in Recovery — A Call to Look Deeper

Guidance, Spirituality

Letting go of The Spiritual Ego – Being Present

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There’s a certain kind of knowing that stops us from truly being present. You’ve probably felt it – the sense that you know a lot, whether it’s from years of study, deep spiritual work, or professional qualifications (like therapist, counsellor, psychiatrist, doctor, PhD, or Sir). The higher and more prestigious it is, the more blinded we often become. You might find yourself thinking, “I already know this,” or “I’ve done this inner work before,” or “What can this teach me?” But here’s the thing: this intellectual knowing can become a block – the spiritual ego. It becomes a barrier between what you want and where you are now. It’s the ego’s sneaky way of making us feel secure in what we think we know, while keeping us from fully surrendering to the present moment – the only thing that truly matters. It’s an innocent method of escaping inner trauma, intelligent but no longer helpful. When we’re trapped in the ego’s need to be right or to prove our knowledge, we miss the healing power of presence. The ego thrives on feeling superior or “right,” and you can almost always feel its grip through irritation, frustration, or the inner urge to defend your point of view. You may feel your body tighten, experience rage, anguish, or more. The invitation here is simple, yet profound: Can you see that you cannot possibly know anything for sure? You aren’t even your name – that’s just a label given to you. Your age changes, you aren’t your job title, or your sibling status, or even the feelings you experience often. What else? You only learned from a book description that you’re an addict! You are constantly evolving, just like life itself – moment to moment. True healing and transformation don’t come from intellectual knowledge, but from a deeper awareness of this present moment – the only moment that truly exists. I know this firsthand. I spent years gathering knowledge, becoming qualified, reading, and learning, thinking I was making progress. I had a long list of credentials, which opened doors, but in the grand scheme of my own evolution, they were worthless. A part of me was still struggling. My mind was always busy – analysing, thinking I knew the answers, convinced I was on the right or wrong path. Then I had an awakening, a realization that changed my life. It wasn’t some grand, mystical experience; it was a subtle yet profound invitation to be fully present. I realized how much my mind was getting in the way. No one had ever invited me to be fully present in all my years of education. All my knowledge and years of seeking were like a shield, keeping me from experiencing life fully. In that moment, something shifted. I dropped a weight I didn’t know I was carrying. I realized that the peace and healing I had been searching for wasn’t in what I knew, but in what I let go of. From that moment, I started shedding the identity I thought was me (Jason). Think of a time when you felt irritation or tension in an argument. Were you defending yourself, proving your point, or clinging to being right? That’s a clear sign your ego was at play. It’s an invitation to pause and ask: What would happen if you let go and simply be present, without needing to be “right”? How do you know if you’re truly open and curious, versus secretly closed and acting out of fear? It can show up in subtle, hidden ways. You may be escaping more than you realize, through unnoticed coping mechanisms. Ask yourself: These behaviors are rooted in fear, avoidance of the present moment, and discomfort within. We fill that inner void with external things, hoping for peace, but we’re really just feeding the ego. These coping mechanisms signal that something deeper within is asking for attention and healing. The 8 C’s of Internal Family Systems (IFS) offer a lens to understand this further. When we’re in our true self-energy, we naturally experience these 8 qualities: When you align with these qualities, you know you’re not operating from the ego. But when you feel impatient, anxious, defensive, or caught in cycles of avoidance, it’s a sign you’re disconnected from your true self, instead running on ego. The ego isn’t to be rid of – it’s an innocent coping mechanism – but that’s another exploration. Healing isn’t about knowing more or achieving perfection. It’s about seeing the limits of what we think we know and opening ourselves to the healing possibilities available in the present. Can you let go of being “right” and lean into the peace of being present? That’s where transformation happens. When we release the need to know or escape, we open ourselves up to being – to life as it is, and to the deep, transformative healing available in this very moment.  

Guidance, Recovery, Spirituality

Secret Addictions in Recovery — A Call to Look Deeper

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Recovery is a journey of courage and transformation. If you’re walking the path of the 12 Steps, you’ve already taken profound steps toward healing — but let’s be honest: Have you ever felt like, despite your clean time, something is still missing? When I attended 12 Step meetings, I saw the same thing over and over: people showing up with remarkable courage to do the work, but still quietly wrestling with things they didn’t feel they could share. People sober for years, yet trapped in toxic relationships, compulsively eating, overspending, gambling, or secretly battling pornography addiction. I get it. When I was in that space, I often thought clean time was the goal or the necessary. But here’s what I discovered: These “secret addictions” — the behaviours we don’t talk about — aren’t evidence of failure. They’re signposts. These behaviours aren’t the problem. They’re intelligent responses, your bodymind’s way of saying, “Look here. Something still needs your attention.” They point to the wounds, the unmet needs, the unresolved pain still living inside. Recovery isn’t just about clean time. It’s about freedom. Total freedom. And here’s the truth: You don’t need to fight these behaviours. You need to understand them. What if the very things you’re ashamed of, the things you keep hidden, are the key to uncovering the deeper healing and peace you’ve been searching for? When I left the framework of the 12 Steps, I started to see what those “secret addictions” were pointing toward. They weren’t failures, but invitations. Every urge to escape, every toxic relationship, every hidden behaviour was a message — a signpost pointing me back toward the places in myself that still needed love, attention, and understanding. Now, those things are gone. The toxic relationships, the hidden behaviours, the compulsive habits — they fell away naturally when I understood what they were trying to show me. This isn’t about doing more or fixing yourself. It’s about seeing clearly. About learning to meet yourself with compassion instead of judgement. About understanding that even your most unwanted behaviours are rooted in a profound intelligence — a desire for safety, peace, and love. The 12 Steps can be a beautiful foundation, but they are just the beginning. Your true self isn’t waiting at the end of a step. It’s here now, beneath the layers of coping mechanisms and stories. Infinite Recovery isn’t about replacing the steps; it’s about taking you beyond them — into a space where you truly meet yourself for the first time. Are you ready to go deeper?

Guidance, Recovery

The Myth of Addictive Personalities

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Have you ever wondered if you have an “addictive personality”? It’s an idea that’s been floating around for ages – this notion that some people are just “wired” for addiction, while others aren’t. But what if I told you that the concept of a fixed personality, let alone an “addictive” one, is just a myth? Let’s dig into this a bit. The belief that our personalities are set in stone, that we’re defined by a static, unchanging set of traits, can be comforting on one hand. After all, if our personalities are fixed, then maybe they’re something we can blame or rely on to explain our choices and behaviours. But the truth is, “personality” isn’t something you can find under a microscope. You won’t locate it in a brain scan or discover a part labeled “addiction” during surgery. Personality, as we think of it, isn’t a concrete thing; it’s a construct, a set of patterns and habits that we’ve come to believe define who we are. Science supports this idea too. Despite years of research, no one has found a specific “addictive personality type” that applies across the board to people struggling with addiction. The traits associated with addiction – impulsivity, sensation-seeking, emotional sensitivity, might show up in some people, but they’re not universally present. And many people who have those traits live perfectly healthy lives without addictive behaviour. Imagine lining up a diverse group of people – some with addictions, some without, and trying to spot a common thread in their personalities. You’d end up with a mix of traits, patterns, and quirks that don’t point to a clear answer. What’s more, these traits are often influenced by our experiences, our beliefs, and the society we live in. They’re not fixed parts of us; they’re fluid and subject to change over time. So, why does this matter? Because clinging to the idea of an “addictive personality” might actually limit us. If we believe we’re doomed by a certain personality type, it can make us feel powerless, like we’re at the mercy of our so-called nature. But when we start to see personality as something flexible and shaped by experience, we can open up new ways of understanding ourselves, and new ways of changing. We actually can see that the belief of a fixed personality type called ‘addictive personality’ will create the desired result – addictive behaviour, purely based on that belief, and nothing to do with any unexplainable phenomena or disease. Here’s something to think about: How much of the way you see yourself is based on patterns and beliefs you’ve simply accepted as “who you are”? Without question? And what might happen if you started to question them? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Have you ever felt trapped by a label, whether it’s “addictive personality” or something else? Or do you have a story about challenging a part of your identity? I’d love to hear about your experiences and what they taught you.

Guidance, Recovery

Why experience of addiction doesn’t make you an expert

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Thinking about expertise and experience, it’s easy to assume they go hand in hand. But let’s have a real look what’s going on. While experience is undeniably personal and significant, it doesn’t automatically make us an expert in a broader field, especially when considering the complex nature of subjective realities, and awareness. When we experience something, that experience is ours alone – filtered through our personal lens of beliefs, background, and emotion. It’s subjective, unique, and deeply personal. This perspective is what makes each person’s journey through life so rich and varied, but it’s also why our personal experience doesn’t universally translate into expertise. Claiming expertise based on our own experiences is like viewing the world through a keyhole and assuming we’ve seen the whole room. It disregards the vast spectrum of how others perceive and interact with a similar experience. Each person’s understanding is shaped by an intricate blend of personal history, culture, and individual psychology, creating as many versions of “truth” as there are people ie 8 Billion+ True expertise requires acknowledging and deeply understanding consciousness and multifaceted subjective realities. It involves continuously seeking out and understanding diverse experiences and perspectives, not just our own, if you want to be an expert in something, and you want to help others, make not knowing anything your top priority. It’s about recognising that while our personal journey is profoundly informative, it’s just one narrative in a world full of them. In essence, our experiences make us experts on our own lives, and no one else’s. In fact while you think your own experience is like anyone else’s as a source to help them, you will take them further away from healing. Silence can do a better job. Our role is simply to help someone uncover their own inner guide, and to be present and witness their transformation, via their own direct experience. Anything else is dogma, an indoctrination to a new belief system, and as humans we’re susceptible to falling in love with the next new shiny thing, including spiritual belief systems, concepts and theories of recovery. As always, I ask you don’t take my word for it, the information shared here is only valuable while you question yourself with it as a guide, my job is asking you to consider, is it true? could there be another way? could there? … maybe?

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