Addiction Isn’t Just a Loss of Control

It’s an attempt to control, the uncontrollable!

We usually describe addiction by what happens eventually

– Loss of control
– Compulsion
– Consequences
– Unable to stop

But that misses what happened first

At some point, the drug or behaviour gave the person more control over their experience, not less

Alcohol could quiet the mind
Heroin could make everything disappear
Cocaine could create confidence
Gambling could replace emptiness with intensity
Porn could create connection without vulnerability
Food could soothe

The behaviour changed something that, at the time, the person didn’t know how else to change

And that is the paradox of addiction

What eventually takes control often begins as a way of gaining it 

So the important question isn’t only
Where did they lose control?

it is
What were they trying so desperately to control in the first place?

Their thoughts?
Their feelings?
How close people could get?
How alone they felt?
How much they could feel?
How little they could feel?

And perhaps even “control” is too narrow for some people

The real inquiry is
What changed when they used – and why did that change become so important?

That question takes us somewhere very different from simply trying to stop the behaviour

Because addiction may look irrational from the outside

But from inside the experience that created it, it may have been one of the most effective solutions the person had ever found

And that is exactly why taking it away is not the same thing as understanding it